Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Merry Christmas

Christmas has come and gone. We were down in the city on the 23rd to see the Oncologist. I had a bit of a rough cycle and I was not prepared to undergo another. I ended up with my hands burning. They looked like I dipped them in boiling water. I couldn’t close my hands to make a fist without feeling lots of pain. I was so exhausted and fatigued that I was coming home from work and was in bed by 8 PM for a couple of weeks. The doc told us that it was caused by my liver not being able to keep up with its job of cleaning the chemo out of my blood therefore the stuff was hanging around longer than necessary and hence the side effects. We decided that it would be best to reduce the dosage so I don’t get so fatigued. It’s a quality of life issue. The doctor gave me a script for some medicine to boost my liver which seems to be working. I declined the treatment that was scheduled because wanted to feel good for the holidays and the doctor said that it would not be a problem and wouldn’t hurt anything. He told us "Big picture your doing great, this is typical and you should not worry about it." They filled my HAI pump with saline as scheduled and off we went. We had record time in out in less than 2 hours. We had lots of time before our train home so we went up to 5th Ave. to check out the window displays and to shop some. We stopped at St. Pats and ended up staying for the noon mass. We said a prayer at Ann Seton’s shrine and made our way over to Rockefeller Center to check out the Christmas tree. The tree was very beautiful and it looks much bigger on TV than in real life.

The whole area was decked out with great displays of the Christmas season.

We continued our adventure and found ourselves at the Stage Deli which is one of our favorites in the city. We had a hot coffee and a corned beef sandwich that was delicious. It was around 4PM and we thought we’d try to see if we could catch an early train home. No such luck all the train are sold out going to Albany. Oh well… We ended up at a bar in Penn and sat down to kill 2 hours before our train departed. Sandy had some drinks and I drank water. We met and chatted with lots of other travelers. It was nice to meet so many friendly people. We made it home without any issues and started getting ready for our big Christmas dinner party.
We have been hosting Christmas dinner for family for a couple of years now. So we had lots of prep work to do and by we I mean Sandy. She is the best and really did a great job putting it all together. Olivia was looking forward to the arrival of Santa Claus and her gifts that would be under the tree. We spent Christmas Eve setting up and getting ready for the next day. Olivia was in bed by 8:30 anda slept right through the night. She woke up around 6:45 and wanted to come to our bed and snuggle with us. This is her morning ritual. I asked her a couple of times if she wanted to go down and see if Santa came and she would reply “no not yet, maybe after Blue’s Clues”. Eventually she hopped out of bed and ran down stairs to the tree. We were hot on her tail but she made it there ahead of us and all we heard was “ooooooooo Santa came”. She opened her gifts and liked each one better than the last. She is such a happy kid. We got ready for our company to arrive. Uncle Jim and Aunt Lisa (Olivia’s God Parents) came around noon time. Aunt Lisa had to work so she wanted to see Olivia open her presents. Everyone else arrived shortly thereafter. Olivia took her nap as scheduled and woke up right before we all sat down for ham dinner Christmas feast. We said grace and then went around the table stating what we were grateful for. I started by giving thanks for Sandy and Olivia and all the joy that they bring me. I am thankful for my care team that they are so smart and have the knowledge to lead me to a cure. I gave thanks for my supportive family who is always there for us no matter what. Dinner was delicious and everyone enjoyed the sweets for dessert afterwards. Christmas day was a great time for all.

We are now awaiting the New Year which I pray will be filled with healing and good health. I hope your New year brings you all you ever wanted and lots of good fortune. Until next time.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Off to Sloan in snow storm...

This past Wednesday we had our first (well second) snow storm. We knew it was coming so we got up extra early to get the train. We left our house at 6:50 am and didn't arrive at the train station until 8:15 am. The driving conditions were horrible and subsequently we missed our train. Next train at 10:15. The ticket agent was very kind and gave us the same price for the reissues tickets. He could of charged us and additional $40. Good things will come him I'm sure. So we waited in the train station. Thankfully they have wireless access and I was able to work while Sandy facebooked. We called the office and let them know we were going to be late due to the storm. We arrived in the city at 12:30 and jumped in a cab over to the the office. They quickly drew my blood and then shortly there after I saw my oncologist. "Everything is going along great" he said "from our perspective you are doing great and have nothing to worry about". Nice news to hear. Chemo was prescribed and I was off to see the surgeon for a follow up. She was happy to see the wound and its healing progress. She mentioned that I could consider thinking about the reversal of the ostomy. This is something that I'm anxious to do but I'll have to talk it over with my oncologist. I think that we'll wait and see what happens with the current chemo regimen and if I get to resection then we'll do both procedures in one shot.
I'm back to work now and its been Ok so far. I am very tired by the end of the day and usually I'm in bed shortly after Olivia (9PM). This past treatment was little rough and I spent most of the weekend in bed. I worked from home on Monday. I'm hoping I feel up to going into the office on Tuesday.
We also got our bill for the copay from Sloan today complete with a 20% discount. Totally unexpected and certainly welcome. Cancer is expensive to treat and to live with. I thank my lucky starts that I have the means and a good job that enables us to afford it. I can't imagine what it would be like if we didn't have insurance.

Thanks to everyone who reads my posts. Sometimes I feel like they are so self centered but I guess you guys want to know what's going on in my life. So with that thank you all for your support and encouragement. Have a happy holiday season!

Saturday, November 28, 2009


I had a treatment scheduled for Wednesday, yes that Wednesday the one where everyone is traveling. We boarded the crowded 8:05 to NYC and off we went. Al was well until we reached Yonkers and the conductor announced that there was a derailed train on the tracks and we could go no further. Many folks on the train were a little PO'ed about this as they were going to miss connections etc. They off loaded everyone and an MTA train took us to Grand Central. We arrived at about 11:35 and we quickly got a cab over to the clinic. We made the appointment in time and the doc actually saw us on time. I guess he wanted to leave on time too. The treatment went well and I had very little side effects this time around. We booked the 8:50 to Albany because all the earlier trains were sold out. We were out of the clinic by 4:00 and went to dinner at a Peking Duck House down the street. After dinner we headed over to the station to wait for our train. We tried to get on the 7:15 but the ticket agent told us no shot. So we waited...and finally got home at midnight.

Thanksgiving day was great. We went to my brother's place for dinner. It was good to spend time with the family and friends. Everyone was well fed and happy at the end of the day.

I am thankful for a loving and supportive wife, a healthy and sweet daughter, an awesome and caring family, a professional and knowledgeable health care team, a great employer and so many great friends. Most of all I am thankful for being on the right road and with every one's help and love I know I will be able overcome any challenges thrown my way. HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Back in the Saddle

I was back in NYC on Wednesday to see my onc and a follow up with the surgeon. This is the second visit with the onc and he always runs about 2 hours behind. So there we sat and waited...

The visit went well my blood work came back good which meant that I was cleared to get systemic chemo. I had to insist that I not get Avastin because my wound is still healing. We then meant with the nurse who gave us the run down on the side effects and other stuff that the drugs may or may not do to me. Then it was off to see the surgeon. She gave me a good report on the wound and the healing. Back to wait for the infusion nurse to call us.

I sat down in the infusion suite. Very nice and private cubicles equipped with many creature comforts. My infusion only takes 1 hour or less. Then I am sent home with a 48 hour pump. The pump they use at Sloan is different than the electronic one I used to have prior. The Baxter pump is gravity fed and much more light weight and quiet. I hardly knew it was there. That is until it was disconnected and I felt like a truck ran me over. The 5FU really does a job on me. I can't say I missed chemo for the 3 months prior to surgery.

My plan is to return to work in a couple of weeks. Thanks to everyone for your continued support, thoughts and prayers.

Friday, November 6, 2009

1 month post op

It's been just about a month post op now and I'm doing well. I have had the HAI pump filled with chemo and haven't had side effects. At least none that I have felt or noticed. I have been feeling pretty good nd I plan to return to work in about 3 weeks (after Thanksgiving). Next week we head down to Sloan for another followup with the surgeon and posibly get a systemic chemo treatment. I'll let you all know how I made out when I get back.

I want to thank everyone for your continued support through your thoughts and prayers. I am very grateful to all...

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Follow up followed by another follow up

This was the week of follow up appointments. We booked the 12:05 Amtrak on Monday and it was a beautiful ride on a sunny fall day. The riverside was painted in fall colors and the Canada geese were plentiful. We arrived on time and took a cab over to the E. 53rd St. facility. We were early and sat down and waited our turn. Our appointment on Monday was with Dr. D'Angelica the pump surgeon his nurse was the first to see us and she proceeded to remove the ~40 staples that held my incision together. What a relief that was. They were really starting to itch and were pulling at my skin. Dr D' Angelica came in and told us that everything was great and that the pathology report was back. He told us that he found a lymph node near the liver that was suspicious and removed it along with a few others. The one node came back positive. He told us not to be overly concerned about it. As it turns out the node in question was actually discovered after my last CT scan here in Albany. At any rate it's out of me and we'll have to be attentive about it. Dr. Tall who followed me while I was in the hospital popped in to say hello too.We wrapped it up and headed over to the hospital for a PET and CT scan. We had some time before the scans so we went up to see a friend who had the pump implanted last Friday.We visited a bit then it was off to scanapolooza. PET scan at 6. Injected with radioactive stuff and drink a liter of contrast. Wait an hour and then on the table being scanned for 20 minutes. Next up the CT scan at 8PM. First thing they do is stick an 18 gauge needle in my arm. Its a huge needle so they can get a high flow of contrast into me. Needless to say it's not the most comfortable thing and to top it off they wanted me to drink more contrast to which I politely told them that I was not drinking another drop. The scan went well and we were out of there. Off to Penn to catch the 10:50 back to Albany. We got home at 2AM and hit the sack. No appointments on Tuesday.
Wednesday we had more appointments scheduled with Dr. Chung and Dr. Temple. We also were scheduled to have an EKG prior to seeing the docs. We took the 8:05 out of Albany and arrived on time at Penn. It was raining pretty good and don't ask me why but I elected to walk up 7th Ave to the Stage deli. It's about 20 blocks and by the time we got there I was regretting the walk and we were both soaked to the bone. We ordered hot tea and had a corned beef sandwich for lunch. We were dried out (almost) when we finished and hopped a cab over to the E 53rd St facility. We went to the 7th floor to get the EKG and was told that the Dr. had cancelled it. No one bothered to call us which kinda pissed us off a bit because we could have taken the later train down and saved a few $. So we went down to wait and see Dr. Chung. We chatted it up with some folks in the waiting room and were finally called in 1 hour later than scheduled. He came in and told us that the lymph node that was found would exclude me from the study that I had originally signed up for however it would not alter the course of treatment. I will receive the same stuff even though I'm not participating in the study. This was actually welcome news because now we have more flexibility in my treatment. Dr. Chung was not overly concerned about the node and basically gave us the same message that Dr. D'Angelica told us. He cleared me to have the pump filled with chemo and placed the order. We then went to see Dr. Temple. We didn't wait long and soon saw the the nurse. She checked out the incision site and re-packed my open wound. Dr. Temple came in and said that everything was progressing better than expected. Dr. Dimples came in to say hello. She was the doc who followed me while I was in the hospital. She told us that her rotation was ending and she would be moving on. We got a clean bill and were on to the last thing we had to do...fill the pump with chemo and start the battle again.
The pump is filled via an injection through my skin directly into the pump. It doesn't hurt a bit and took all of 5 minutes to complete. Done and done and we're on our way. We had a nice dinner at an Italian place on the east side and then headed to Penn to catch the 7:15 home.
All in all it was good news and we go back on the Nov. 11 for a full treatment.

Until next time...

Saturday, October 24, 2009

2 weeks post op

2 weeks have gone by since my surgery and things are progressing along well. I enjoyed my 45th birthday this week. Sandy took me out to a local park where Olivia played on the playground. She was so proud to show me all the amazing things she can do on the equipment. She is quite the little monkey climbing, swinging and sliding. It was a real treat to watch her.
I have been getting lots of rest and usually follow Olivia when she takes her afternoon nap. I am being followed by a home care nurse due to an open wound that I have. I ended up getting an infection in the incision a few days after the surgery. The docs popped out some staples so it could drain and they told me that it was very common for people who have under gone chemo to get infections. The wound is looking better each day however it still looks like a big hole in the middle of my chest. I think that it would make for a cool Halloween prop.
We are going to Sloan on Monday for a followup with Dr. D'Angelica (the pump guy) and then a couple of scans in the evening. I think he'll take the staples out or at least I hope he does. They have been quite itchy lately. We have to go back down on Wednesday for a followup with Dr. Temple the GI doc and our first chemo treatment. They will fill the pump and I'll get a systemic treatment in the clinic. It has been over 2 months since my last chemo treatment. The docs did say that everything looked good when they had me opened up. The docs were also very optimistic that this treatment will have better results than the previous protocol based on the results I had.
I will post an update after Monday and Wednesday's appointments. Thanks for all your positive thoughts and prayers.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Fall 7 times but get up 8

Hey everyone its Shawn. I am felling better today. The pain has subsided and they gave me food today for the first time in a week. Who knew a banana could be so tasty. The docs are impressed with my progress. I have been walking quite a bit keeping my food down and getting my body rebalanced.

I may be able to get home as soon as saturday hopefully no later than monday.

Thanks to friends and family for all your prayers and support. A special thanks to my care team here at Sloan. Thanks to Treo for their support. I am very grateful to all the good people in my life...

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

One step forward, two steps back

After a promising weekend, I walked into the hospital Monday morning to find what looked like Sid Vicious after a good bender. I didn't have to ask, clearly Shawn had not had a good night. He would not have a good morning, afternoon or evening either. By 8 pm an x-ray confirmed that Shawn's internal organs were still groggy from anesthesia and some outside intervention was needed in the form of a nasal gastric tube. Before inserting the tube, the Doctor referred to the procedure as "barbaric"....never a good sign when they admit to it so readily. But alas, she was right... not for the weak of mind or body.

Tuesday would be a better day. The NG tube is still in. It adds a little something to the overall patient look...you know, cheap nightclub wristband, gown with bum exposed, skid free socks and now tape and tube to nose. The usual myriad of nurses, fellows, residents and doctors have been in and out of the room today and all agree that Shawn is making excellent progress. It is slow but steady and for that we are grateful.

Brothers Jim and Mike and niece, Vanessa, made the long trip to the city today for a visit and to liven up the place. Shawn continued to walk laps around the hospital ward with the family posse behind him. So far today over a mile.

Thanks for all your encouragement and love.

Guest Blogger~Sandy

Sunday, October 11, 2009

The Big Day

We arrived at Sloan bright and early at 6:30 am Friday. At 9:30 am the folks in the white coats came to get Shawn to prep him for surgery. By 10:30 am things were underway. Shawn's Dad and brother, Ed, arrived shortly after and joined me as we waited for updates from the "6th floor". We busied ourselves by telling funny family stories and sampling just about everything off of the cafeteria menu. I was starving because I had done "pseudo" fasting with Shawn the day before his surgery. By "pseudo" I mean I would duck into another room out of sight to snarf down a quick snack and he would yell.....I can smell that!

Shawn's surgery wrapped up by 3:30 pm. We met with the surgeons and got the excellent news that all had gone well..."could not have been better, textbook" they said. It would be hours before we could see Shawn though and finally he settled into his room on the 16th floor at 9:30 pm. Shortly after that we said good night and returned to our apartment for the night.

On Saturday Shawn woke up to find that someone had parked a toyota on his stomach. Despite that the nurse had him up and walking by 5 in the morning. As the day progressed...so did the pain. After several hours, several phone calls to the Doctor and several dropped F-Bombs by all involved....they found the right mix and the pain was under control. Thank goodness.

Today, Sunday, things seem good. Shawn is feeling better and has been doing a lot of walking throughout the hospital hallways. Over a mile today. The nurses keep saying that he is doing great and boy what a wonderful bunch of nurses they have here at Sloan! I've taken a closer look at his battle wounds and all I can say is wow...he's tough. One incision runs from his breastbone to his pubic bone and there are two other incisions on either side of that. He looks a bit like he had an encounter with a great white. That may be the story we tell in the future to explain the scars...but there are so many other good possibilities, we will cross that bridge when we come to it. Suggestions are welcome.

Thank you for your ongoing prayers and good vibes. Will update you soon.
Guest Blogger~Sandy

Thursday, October 8, 2009

and so it begins...

We made it down to NYC and found Sandy's home away from home. She has a lovely place to stay and if you crane your neck you can get a peek at the river. The ride down on the train was beautiful. The fall colors are starting to pop. The Catskills looked like they were painted in red, orange and yellows. I think the hardest part of the day was when Mom dropped us off at the the station and I had to say good bye to Olivia. I know shes in good hands but I will be missing her alot. I'm glad to have Sandy here with me. We're still waiting for the hospital to call and let us know when we need to show up tomorrow. Sandy has just informed me that I have to begin the surgery prep. Did I mention that I haven't had anything to eat all day. I'm hungry!

We'll keep you posted...

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Pretty soon

We leave for the city next Thursday. Sandy will be staying at Miracle House while I am in the hospital. My father and brother Ed are coming down for surgery day to keep vigil with Sandy. I am geting anxious and I'm ready to get this stage done.

I am so grateful for all the love and support everyone has given me. Below is my gratitude list:

I am grateful to have a loving and supportive wife who is strong, patient and beautiful.

I am grateful to have a healthy, beautiful, and wonderful daughter who gives me much joy.

I am grateful to have a great family who provide me love and hope.

I am grateful to have an expanding network of friends some of whom I have never met that send positive thoughts and prayers my way.

I am grateful to have an employer who is extremely supportive and understanding.

I am grateful to have a skilled and knowledgable health care team. I know I'm in the right hands.

Please know that I am very grateful to have you in my life. Thanks!

Sandy will be taking over as guest blogger while I'm in the hospital. Stay tuned...

Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Journey Continues

So the journey to the cure continues…We arrived in NYC again to meet with the surgeons. We arrived a day before the meeting due to an appointment for a CT scan the night before. Now I know why they call it the city that never sleeps. You can get a CT scan at 8 PM in NYC…

We took the train down again and it was a beautiful ride. We arrived and decided that we would walk to the hotel (about a 1.5 mile trek) on E 62nd St. We walked up 7th Ave to Times Square and then cut over through Rockefeller Center to 5th Ave. When we got down to Bergdorf’s there was a film crew set up filming a scene for the sequel to Sex in the City. We stopped to take it in and we saw Sarah Jessica Parker (Carrie) and Kristin Davis(Charlotte) doing a street scene. We caught a couple of pictures of the shoot.

We walked over to our hotel and checked in. We stayed at the Bentley which is a decent hotel and we got a fair rate (under $200). The hotel is mid way between the Sloan outpatient offices and the hospital where the CT scan was done. We decided to walk around a bit and explore the eateries in the vicinity after which we went to the appointment and were out by 9PM. We were both starving by this point and decided on an Italian restaurant that we found earlier. The meal was delicious and the wine was too. We capped it off with a tiramisu and cappuccino and then walked back for a good night’s sleep.

The next morning we were scheduled to meet with the liver pump doc and have an EKG done or so we thought… We met with the doc and he discussed the option for the pump and explained all the details both good and bad. We had already been briefed by the oncologist that we saw the week before so we were certain this was the path we wanted to go down. After the exam and the talk he asked if we wanted to go home and think about it to which I promptly replied that I was ready to sign up. We did some paperwork, signed the consent and decided to donate the tissue from the biopsy to a tissue repository where it will be used for future studies. I thought that was a good idea because it’s something that I can do to help someone else who is facing the same challenge as me. Besides what am I going to do with it? The next step was to meet with the colon surgeon. The liver guy warned me that she would more than likely do an exam. Well she did more than an exam. As a matter of fact I think I should send her flowers as she really got to know me in ways that I never dreamed of. I survived and went on to the next stage a pre op screen that determines whether I am healthy enough for surgery. That was an easy thing to go through however by this time it was around 5 we were free and the surgery is scheduled for October 9. I had nothing to eat all day and was ready to eat my shoes and I’m pretty sure that Sandy was too. When all was said and done we headed back over to the train station and had some NYC pizza slices and a beer. We caught the train home and slept comfortably knowing that I am in good hands.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

A New Hope

A New Hope is the sub title of the very first Star Wars film. Luke Skywalker was new hope to help save the universe from the evil empire. I met my Luke down at Sloan yesterday in my battle against the evil empire attacking my body.

Sandy and I took the train down to NYC to meet with a CRC(Colorectal Cancer)doctor at Sloan. The day started off nice with a beautiful train ride down the Hudson river to NYC. We arrived around 11 AM and we proceeded to walk up to Times Square. We spent some time looking at all of the stores and advertising. Then we walked over to St. Patrick's Cathedral to say some prayers and ask for help in finding a cure. We had lunch walked over to 5th ave and window shopped and then walked over a couple blocks to Sloan.

The staff was very nice to us and we filled out a bunch of forms and went in to meet the Doctors. First we met with Dr.C's fellow and another doc from China who is here to learn about CRC. The cases of CRC are starting to increase in China. Although they don't know what causes the disease, I suspect the rise in the number of cases in China may be related to all the fast food companies that have opened up there. Anyways he examined me and asked about the history and what I was looking for. We told him we wanted to have liver resection which leads to a cure. He left and and told us that he and Dr. C would talk it over and develop a strategy. We waited about 1/2 hour 45 minutes then the knock on the door came. Dr. C came in and introduced himself and proceeded to give us a lecture on CRC and how the disease works. he went on to say that under my current treatment that I would not be a candidate for liver resection. My heart fell on the floor. That was when he told us of a study using a hepatic arterial pump therapy that has potential to lead inoperable people to candidacy for resection. He went on to say that I would be an ideal person to participate in this study. My heart hopped back into my chest and my new hope was realized. Our prayers were answered!

We left Sloan and will be back next week for an appointment with the surgeon who is running the study. I will be undergoing a very serious operation to have the pump implanted in my abdomen. They will remove my gall bladder due to a risk of infection. They will also remove the original tumor in the same surgery session. I will more than likely spend 7 days in the hospital in NYC and have 3 weeks at home to recuperate. I beleive that this will occur sooner rather than later as the Sloan Docs recommended that I pass on the chemo treatment this week. The chemo causes your body to heal slower so you have to be off of it for a couple of weeks before undergoing any surgery.

So that's my story. We went to NYC with nothing and came back with a new hope. I'm looking forward to this week end and not having a chemo hang over. I plan to spend my time with my 2 favorite girls; my wife Sandy and my little angel Olivia.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Red Sox Game

I've always wanted to go to Fenway and see a game. My brother Ed lives and Boston and just so happened upon 2 tickets to last Wednesday nights game against the White Sox. The drove over and met my brother at his house and we drove into Boston for the game. It was a great night and the weather was cooperative by not raining and staying cool. They had a nice tribute for Ted Kennedy before the game started. The game was really fast paced and Wakefield did a great job on the mound after his long break. The game was tied up and the Sox brought in Danny Bard who proceeded to intimidate the White Sox by throwing 100+ MPH pitches. The bottom of the 9th came up and Youkilis and Big Papi were on deck. I turned to my brother and said Big Papi is going to hit another home run and win the game for us. Youkilis ended up striking out and then Big Papi came up and and blasted one out into right field and just clearing Pesky's pole. Everyone cheered and the game was done. The Red Sox WIN!

What a great night. Thanks Ed!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Cycle 10 almost over.

Cycle 10 is almost behind me. I have my home infusion pump hooked up until tommorow at noon. The home nure will come and disconnect me. I can't wait. We met with the local onc yesterday and will be meeting with a new doc down at Sloan in 2 weeks. I am hopeful that they will be able to ofer us a more agrressive treatment towards a cure. Work is getting busy and is keeping me occupied. I enjoy it very much. Next week I'm going to Boston to see my brother and catch a Red Sox game. I am really looking forard to that...

A freind of mine from my days at MapInfo is going to China and I have to say that I am jealous. If you read this before you go have a great time K and get in touch when you get back. I'm looking forward to seeing your pics and hearing about your experience.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Busy Week End

I'm feeling really good and we're have a busy week end. Last night we went to the Altamont fair and had a ball. Olivia loved going on the rides and to tell you the truth so did I. We saw the petting zoo, the rabbits, the chickens (big hit w/ Olivia), horses and ponies. We ate fair food like greasy fries, and batter dipped veggies mmmmm good!
Me and Olivia on the Bumble Bee ride.

Mommy and Oliva on the Cars.

We all had fun at the fair and are looking forward to going for years to come.

On Saturday we went to the local mustang club's Dealer Day Show at Metro Ford. The dealership is right around the corner form our hosuse so it was a no hassle show for us to attend. Olivia and Sandy came over for a little while until the sun got high and hot.
Olivia has a mustang too.

We didn't place this year in our class. There were about 12 other cars in the class and some really nice ones. Congrats to the winners! The show had over 200 cars entered and there was probably another 100 that didn't register. The show was well attended and even my Dad showed up. It was a good time and I saw lots of old and new friends.
Here is a shot of the show and my car.

Tommorow we have church and then another car show. I'm grateful to be feeling good!

Until next time.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Acknowleging what's important

This morning I opened a deck of cards that have inspirational quotes. A dear friend gave them to me to aid in my healing. I shuffled the deck a bit and the card on top told me to “Acknowledge what’s important”. It went on to say that “Deep within, you know that the only thing that’s truly important is being in alignment with Spirit.”
Some of the things that keep me aligned and I consider important are my wife Sandy. She is my rock. She keeps me well with her love. My daughter Olivia whose innocence reminds me how precious life is. She is an inspiration to me and helps me stay focused on being healthy. My mother/mother in-law, who help us out by giving us a respite from Olivia. My brothers, who have been very generous helping me live out some of my wishes. All of my friends, who have supported me by keeping me in their thoughts and prayers. These are the important things.
Things that are not important fear, illness, worry, shame, anger and any other negative emotion. These are not worthy of my attention. I choose to focus on the positive…

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

This just in

Yesterday I had my third CT Scan to measure the progress of my treatment. I wasn't expecting the office to have the results back today since they out source the reading to another facility. My PA told us that she would attempt to get the results back by the time we left for the day. We waited and waited and there is a term that is used by cancer survivors called "Scanxiety" which is the feeling you have waiting for the results. Anyways the results weren't in before we left...Oh well wait another day. Our research nurse called us a little while ago with the results and they were very good. The measurable tumors in my liver are shrinking at a good pace and the original tumor in my rectum is no longer measurable via CT scan. My CEA is still at a good level. CEA is a marker that is produced by tumors. When CEA levels decrease after therapy, it means that most or all of the CEA-producing tumor has been removed.

On a sadder note the clinic was really busy today. I was able to get my favorite chair. They actually reserve it for me. There is a new guy who has throat cancer. He is a really nice guy and has a great attitude. We chat and joke around a bit to liven up the place. I always manage to get the nurses laughing when they ask if there is anything they can get me and I respond "Find me a cure for cancer." There has got to one out there and it's really important to keep the research funded. I know we are in the midst of tough economic times and money is tight however if you have budgeted money for charity please consider giving a little to the American Cancer Society in order to help rid the world of this scourge.

One of the things that I failed to mention in my last post was that I found a 4 leaf clover when I was on vacation. I consider my self lucky and I'm grateful for everyone who is supporting me though their thoughts prayers and actions. A special thanks goes out to my wife Sandy who is always there for me no matter what and my mom and mother in-law for always helping out with Olivia and to you my friends (some of whom I have never met) for reading my blog.


Monday, August 3, 2009

August update...

Hi Everyone -

Just wanted to touch base with you all and let you know that I am progressing well through treatment. This week I go for round 9 of chemo and I have a scan scheduled for tomorrow. I hope they are able to get the results for Wednesday when I meet with the doc otherwise we'll have to wait. I will send out a message and update the blog as soon as I know the results. I think I have been lucky so far and have experienced mild side effects. The mouth sores started to appear after treatment 7. They are like canker sores and cause pain and discomfort however, the doc did prescribe some medicine to help. Its called swish and swallow and makes your mouth numb for about 1/2 an hour. It also has curative effects too as once you use it the sores disappear in a day or 2. The fatigue is biggest challenge for me. I always feel tired and its a tired that naps don't seem to cure.

We are in contact with Memorial Sloan Kettering and are making an appointment to go down for a second opinion. They do some amazing stuff down there and I want to make sure that I am getting the best treatment possible. I will keep everyone up to date on this front as well. (just in We have an appointment on August 31!)

We spent time in the Adirondack mountains last week. Our friend has a place on the shore of Schroon lake. It was great! Friends from North Carolina joined us who we haven't seen in while. It was very nice. We had great weather all week. We went on hike through the natural stone bridge and caves. Olivia rode on my back in the pack. She is very funny and remembers her time in China. When I took the pack out to put her in it she asked me if we were going to China. Olivia also had her first swim in big water as she called it. She loved to swim in the lake and play in the sand. She enjoyed playing with our friend Amy's twin boys. A good time was had by all...

I am back to work now but its going to be a short week due to treatment. I am looking forward to going to Saratoga a couple of times this month to watch the horse races and going to a couple of car shows weather permitting. The all Mustang show is coming up mid month.

Thanks to everyone for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers.


Saturday, July 18, 2009

just a post

I guess many of you have been waiting for an update from me at least that's what I am told. So here it is the latest news...

I have been having a good experience thus far. The side effects have been tolerable and unpredictable. I can feel great 1 day and crappy the next. The worse has been the fatigue the day or 2 after finishing treatment. Usually I'm unhooked from the 46 hour portable infusion pump on Friday around noon. Typically I fall sleep around 3 PM and sleep until Saturday morning. I have been going out for a 1 mile walk on my lunch hour. The exercise helps boost my energy level and gets me through the afternoon. I'm looking at treatment #8 next Wednesday after which I will have the second CT scan. I'm expecting to see good results. Please expect the same...

Work has been going great and I have a vacation coming up the week after next. We are going up to Schroon Lake in the Adirondacks. We will be staying with some friends and I'm hoping that the rain that has been plaguing upstate NY will take a vacation that week too ;).

I spent today at my niece's wedding. Had a great time spending time with my family.
I'm tired and I'm going bed now...

Posted 11 PM Saturday night.

Monday, June 29, 2009

The F word

I found this article and thought I would share it with you:

The F word

Fatigue is the most common challenge of cancer -- pervasive, life-changing, and not responsive to rest. But there is an answer

By Julie Mason, The Ottawa CitizenJune 28, 2009

It was laundry day in our three-storey townhouse, and I'd already made two trips between bedrooms and basement.

I looked fine and, if you had asked me how I felt that day, I'd probably have answered "fine." But when the Man of the House found me snivelling at the bottom of the staircase, I was forced to admit I'd succumbed to one of cancer's unfortunate side-effects -- fatigue.

Fatigue is cancer's F word, the most common challenge of the disease. It affects as many as 90 per cent of people living with cancer -- before, during and even long after treatment.

My healthy grandma sometimes said she was "bone weary," and that's a good description of the fatigue from cancer and other chronic diseases. It's not like normal fatigue. It's a pervasive, life-changing exhaustion that doesn't respond to rest.

Walking the puppies around the block feels like a triathlon; grocery shopping is an endurance contest; making a meal requires several rest breaks; even simple things like reading a book or talking on the phone are tiring.

Other symptoms include weakness, overall lack of energy, leg pain, shortness of breath, as well as irritability, and trouble thinking, concentrating and making decisions.

One of the most difficult aspects of fatigue is its invisibility.

After recovering from the obvious effects of surgery and chemotherapy, I looked reasonably healthy, even though I felt as if I was walking through quicksand.

Everyone, including me, thought that I'd soon start doing what I'd always done.

So the Man of the House was surprised to come home and find me snoozing face-down on my desk every afternoon.

Even the most sympathetic friends found it hard to understand why I constantly said, "I'm too tired." I kept wondering where my get-up-and-go had got up and gone.

Friends and family aren't the only ones who don't recognize fatigue. It's so subjective and difficult to measure that doctors and other health-care providers tend to ignore it.

Too many physicians trivialize the problem and its impact on everyday life.

On a visit to one oncologist, I asked what I could do to help deal with the paralyzing exhaustion. She shrugged and told me fatigue is just part of having cancer.

Looking over her shoulder, I could see a poster on the bulletin board behind her for "Energize!" a seminar run in her own cancer centre and designed to help people just like me.

Happily, more physicians and cancer centres are beginning to understand that fatigue can destroy health and quality of life.

The world-class M. D. Anderson Cancer Center in Texas offers patients a unique multi-disciplinary fatigue clinic.

All patients start with a complete assessment of their physical and mental health.

Cancer-related fatigue is still a bit of a mystery, but some of the contributing causes are anemia, radiation, chemotherapy, medication, poor nutrition due to nausea or lack of appetite, pain, depression, anxiety, insomnia and stress.

At M.D. Anderson, the initial assessment is supported by a comprehensive treatment plan and a team of people to help implement it. A core recommendation is almost always exercise.

It sounds odd to consider physical activity when you're too pooped to participate, but one of the most important ways to treat fatigue is with planned exercise.

That annoying slow-walker you passed in the park was probably me.

After a day or two of dragging myself around the block, I started to feel better -- and walk faster.

Most of us never think about conserving energy, but when you don't have a lot, you learn to put important activities at the time of day when you have most energy, and plan for rest.

That's why I walk in the morning and curl up in front of The Young and the Restless in late afternoon.

Ordinary things like bending over, reaching, or standing to prepare food or wash dishes can be tiring, so it helps to arrange a kitchen or office to put everything, including a chair, close at hand.

Many people with cancer continue to work, but they often need rest during the day. Workplaces that provide a quiet room for a nap allow an employee to continue to be productive.

The fatigue from cancer or other chronic illness brings loss and grief.

It's hard to have to give up things we love -- like bike riding on Sunday mornings or bending over to plant veggies. As a stubbornly independent person, I found it difficult to accept help.

When dear friends offered homemade meals for my freezer, I resisted. I didn't want to admit I needed their help. But their generous gift of yummies let me avoid the exhaustion of preparing a meal, and I'm deeply grateful they ignored me.

These days I'm cooking again. The puppies are getting lots more walks, and I've optimistically taken my bike in for a tune-up.

Best of all, when someone asks how I feel, I can honestly answer "much better." Still, with all the emphasis on survivorship, it's easy to forget that invisible and long-term fatigue is the price many of us pay for living with cancer. Remember that the next time you pass a slow-walker in the park.

© Copyright (c) The Ottawa Citizen

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Thank God for Insurance...

The insurance statements have started to arrive and all I can say is thank God we have insurance. The cost of treatment is astronomical. One round of treatment costs over $16,000. I never thought that it would cost that much. I have had 6 treatments thus far to the tune of ~$100K with all of the accouterments. Unbelieveable!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Very Good News!

I had a meeting with my doctor today to go over the progress of the treatment so far. To date I have had 5 treatments and in between 4 and 5 I had a CT scan to compare against the baseline which was done prior to the first treatment. The doctor was very pleased with the results so far the 3 measurable tumors on my liver have shrunk in size significantly, some of the smaller nades have disappeared and the original tumor has also gone down in size too. They use a blood test called CEA. Before I started treatment my CEA was 93 today it was 5.3. A normal person's CEA is below 5 a smoker's range is between 5- 10. The CEA levels tell how active the cancer is growing the lower the number means that the cancer is under control and not progressing. What does all this mean? Basically I am responding to treatment better than expected.

I have been feeling good and the chemo side effects have not really been that bad. I am working full time at Treo Solutions as the Lead Quality Assurance Engineer. They have been really cool with my schedule of doctors appointments, treatments, labs, scans etc. I work from home 2 days during my treatment week and the rest of the time I spend in the office.

Olivia turned 2 on May 22 and she is quite a kid. She is very smart and has already learned the alphabet, counting, colors, and shapes. She is also speaking some basic Chinese words that we have been teaching her along with the help of a children's show called Ni Hao Kai Lan. She also counts to 5 in Chinese. We always show her the pictures we took while in China in hopes that she will remember her time there.

In closing I would like to THANK everyone who has kept me in their thoughts and prayers and ask you to continue to do so. We may not always have direct control of the world around us but we are always free to choose how we think and feel. It’s not what happens that makes the biggest difference but how you deal with what happens. No one can take this inner freedom, this inner power, unless we choose to give it away. I am optimistic that I will beat this disease and be around for a long time to come.

peace & PTL--

Thursday, May 28, 2009

5 year survival at 30%

Veiw the study here.

This is awesome news! I am so encouraged by this.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Great Weekend!

Waht a great weekend!

It started on Friday when I cut out of work early and played 9 holes of golf. I haven't played in over 2 years and I was a little dusty. A bad day of golf is still better than a good day in the office. I managed to squeeze 1 par and 3 bogeys. The other 5 holes shall not be remembered and I will use the excuse of not playing in 2 years to justify my 59. I had alot of fun playing golf with the guys from my neighborhood. I can't wait until the next time I am able to play.

Saturday Sandy went to my nieces wedding shower and my mother in law Dottie came down to watch Olivia. I spent the morning pruning the landscaping around the house. It was in desperate need because I neglected it last year due to being in China all summer. I finished up around noon time, hit the showers and proceeded down to my old friend Joe's house. I visited with him for a while and then his son came by with his new baby. It was great to see him. He has grown to be quite the man.

Sunday we went to church at our usual time. My Mom has joined our parish and meets us there every Sunday. After church Mom came over to house and watched Olivia while me and Sandy whent shopping for our annual flowers and our tomato plants. We went to Lowes first and checked out the prices, we left quickly and went to the farm stand and bought our palnts there. The prices were 1/3 less than lowes and it makes us feel good to support local businesses and keep the money local. When Olivia woke up we went down the street to a neighbor's house for a party. It was very fun. Olivia was little shy at first but soon warmed up adn was visiting with the other guests. Then she discovered the trampoline. She and I spent about 3 hours on it. My legs felt like rubber bands when I finally was able to get out. Olivia had a blast. Now it will be a challenge to keep her away from it when we are out on a walk.

Monday we were expecting company in the morning. My godfather Fred nad his Mary were in town and stopped by to see us. It was their first meeting with Olivia. OLivia still reveling in her birthday lime light received a present form them. It was a cool little doll that talked when you held her hands on different body parts. I couldn't figure out how it worked. Later in the evening OLivia was playing with her and I heard all these different phrases coming form the doll. Leave it to a 2 year old to figure out how the toys work. It was alot simpler when I was a kid with my pull string talking GI Joe doll. It was great catching up with Fred and Mary and both of them looked great. After they left we put Olivia down for a nap and proceeded to plant our gardens. I was even able to squeeze in a lawn mow before our next guests arrived. Kevin and Anna stopped by right after Olivia got up from her nap. They brought us a Strawberry short cake. It was good to see them and we visited and chatted it up for a couple of hours. After they left we had a nice dinnen of grilled salmon followed by strawberry short cake for desert.

Off to the office for a day then treatment on Wednesday. I'm hopping that I feel as good as I did the last time. I also will have my first scan done post chemo some time next week. I know it's going to show positive results!

Until next time...

Friday, May 22, 2009

Olivia's Birthday

Wow! Olivia turns 2 today. It is hard to believe and it seems like yesterday we were bringing her home. We'll be having a party for her in early June.

We are looking forward to a nice long weekend and enjoying the outdoors. I feel great! I feel healthy! I am healthy!

Friday, May 15, 2009

Its been a while

Sorry I have been away so long...I have been very busy with my new job. There is so much to do and to tell you the truth I'm tired when I get home and I'd rather spend time with Sandy and Olivia especially now that the nice weather is here.

I had treatment this week and saw Dr. D. He examined me and said that my liver has decreased in size (the swelling is gone) and its not as tender as it was before we started chemo. The scan dream still comes. I pray every day to Saint Peregrine. He is the patron saint of cancer patients. If you have a chance please visit this site and remember me in a novena.

I worked from home this week while hooked up to the pump. I felt pretty good this time around. I have been gaining wieght thanks to the 1000 calorie soy protien shakes that Sandy has been making for me.

Its all good and life is better!

until next time.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

ughhh...I wish I felt better!

I've felt better... between yesterday and today I haven't felt very good. My nurse came by yesterday and disconnected my pump. 3 days of chemo and boy do am I feeling the effects. I know that its working. I has to be. No one can feel as crappy as as I do and not have the cancer being knocked down. I rested Friday afternoon in hopes that I would feel good enough to go out for a little while but no such luck. The nausea set in and so did the fatigue. I slept really good last night and was not up once but when I did wake up I still felt like I could sleep the day away which I essentially did. My appetite seems to have gone MIA on me. I'm having stuffed sole and plain white rice and maybe some green veggies. I have to eat and keep my weight up. I think that will be easier when I'm on my down week. I made a promise to Sandy that I would drink an ensure/protein shake everyday in order to maintain my weight.

When I get out of bed I usually last about 45 minutes before I have to lay down again. I watched Sandy and Olivia outside playing and wished that I could have been there with them. I feel bad that I'm not able to be there for them. I will be strong and and will overcome this challenge however, it is still very hard to not be there 100% for my wife and daughter. I hope that the effects get better as I progress through treatment. I'm praying that I'll be feeling good tomorrow so I can go to church.

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

2nd treatment

Let me start by saying CANCER SUCKS!

We spent half the day at the chemo clinic yesterday. The young girl was there again, she was happy because she was there for her last treatment. We ended up chatting it up a bit. We learned that she has lymphoma and her treatment has seemed to work. I have to say that I'm happy that I won't see her there anymore. There is another couple who was there during our first visit. They are around our age and appear to be very sad. They don't smile and rarely make eye contact with anyone. There was an older guy there when we arrived and he was still there when we left. The home care nurse came to the clinic to hook up the pump. I'll have that on my hip until noon Friday. Believe it or not the home care nurse's name is Marilyn Monroe.

I felt decent after the treatment and seem to have a good appetite. I was up a few times during the night and woke up at 5:30. When I woke up I felt pretty horrible and very fatigued. I laid in bed until around 6:15 when Olivia started calling for me. I went to get her and she was standing in her crib with a big smile. She is what I live for. Olivia did give my pump rig a stare of wonderment. I tell her its Daddy's boo boo. She knows to be gentle and careful with me when she climbs on me. I love her like no other and I want to see her grow up to be a great woman just like her mother. Speaking of which I have to give much love to Sandy my wife. She has been with me 1000% through this and I don't think I would be able to handle this challenge without her. Sandy you are a strong and beautiful woman. I love you very much and thanks for everything you have and will do for me.

So again I'll say cancer sucks. The chemo treatments are not fun. I am tired and my body aches. I feel nauseous sometimes especially when I lay on my right side. I am feeling good that I am hungry and want to eat. Although I have lost a lot of weight. When we went to China I weighed about 170 lbs. When we arrived home I weighed about 160 lbs. Today I'm about 150 lbs. I can't really afford to lose anymore weight so I'm starting to use a high protein supplement that we'll mix with ice cream and whole milk. I figure it'll be a meal in a glass but like I said I have to keep my weight up.

I feeling confident that the treatments are working. I keep having this dream that after I go for my next CT scan the doctors are amazed at how well the treatment is working and are surprised that the tumors on my liver have disappeared. That is going to be my reality because I believe it. Anyone reading the blog... Please believe it too.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Good News

The other day I received an Email from the owner of the company I was going to go to work for that asked if he could call and talk to me. A bit of back ground for those not familiar with my story - I was recruited by this company Treo Solutions. They were looking for an experienced SQA professional to start a QA program in their organization. We struck a deal and I gave notice at my current employer. I wanted to take some time off between the jobs to relax and get some medical appointments taken care of and that's when I were diagnosed. SO I called Treo and let them know that I was having some medical work done and needed more time which they were OK with eventually I did not feel that it would be fair for me to begin a job that I could not give 100%. I called the guy who recruited me and told him of my situation and that I could not with good faith take the job. He understood and said that he would inform the owners. Fast forward to this past Tuesday when I get the call from Chris the owner of Treo. He asked me what my plans for the future were and how we were going to make it through the crisis that we are facing. I explained that we had some savings that we would use and that the COBRA insurance would last 18 months and the possibility of Sandy going back to work. That when he stopped me and said that he wanted me to come in and sign on with Treo despite my condition. HE said that he and the other owners felt that they made a deal with me and wanted to honor it. I was so shocked and surprised. I told him that I was not in the best condition and and could not predict how well I would be in the future given my chemo treatments. HE said that it did not matter if I worked for 2 days and went on disability for 6 months. Again I was completely in shock over the kindness and good that was coming to me. I accepted his offer and will be starting work again on Monday. Treo will give me all the flexibility that I need to get well deal with the doctor's appointments. I really feel blessed that this happened and having my career back means a lot to me. We will also have company paid health insurance and an income too!

As a side note to this story: My Uncle Bill was kind enough to get me a prayer shawl from the Nuns at the Provincial House. My Mom brought to me on Tuesday and I just happened to be wearing it when I received the call that I wrote about above. Thank you Uncle Bill and a special Thanks to all the Sisters at Provincial House. The power of prayer is strong and WORKS!

Positive vibrations and love to all...

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Sunday Morning

I woke up this morning and noticed a red hue all over the trees. It rained last night and it must have helped all the tree's leave buds really "pop". In the morning sun it looked really cool almost like fall but I know that its spring and everything will be new again.
I'm feeling pretty good so far this morning. I had an appetite and I actually wanted to eat. Yesterday I went to a car show with my dad. I didn't want to take my car down because it looked like it was going to rain. I made it about an hour before I had to sit down because that damn truck came around and ran me over again. So I just sat in the car and relaxed a bit. We then went to lunch and I was able to eat. Yummy fried food that I shouldn't eat but what the heck. Dad dropped me off and I spent the afternoon napping and relaxing.
We are getting ready to go to church and I'm hoping that I'll be a little more lively today. I'm looking forward to getting out and seeing family, friends and neighbors.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

First treatment

Yesterday was my first Chemo treatment. It was a wicked long day. It started at 7:30 with a visit to Dr. D. I have to say he is an excellent doc. He doesn't mince words and is pretty straight forward with you. He never gives you the bum's rush. He must have asked us if we had any questions about 5 times. Next stop was the Chemo clinic. We met our nurses Amy and Hong. Amy is a very pleasant and kind soul. We joked around about the treatment we are looking forward to working with her. Hong is originally from China which gave us something to talk about. We opened up my lap top and showed her and Amy our photos from our trip to Beijing last year. See here --> China Blog.
We were early in the clinic and had our choice of seats and chose one near the window in the corner. The diversity of people in for treatment was amazing. Old men and ladies, others who were around my age and a young girl about 16 came in. All of us in the same boat, we glanced around the room at each other, I kept thinking to myself that I'm not alone in this and I hope to make new friends here.
My treatment plan is Folfox which is a cocktail of 3 drugs. Additionally I am in a research group for AMG 655 and received it at the end of the day although who knows what I actually got because its a double blind study with a placebo thrown in for fun. The IV drips in my port started at 9 am and finished at around 1:30 pm. The home care nurse came over and gave us the briefing on the infusion pump that I have to wear for the next 46 hours. We finally got out of the office at 2:30 pm with the pump on my hip. We came home and the nurse who will hook me up to the pump for future cycles. She was very nice and explained everything about the pump and the precautions. Sleeping with it wasn't that bad and living with doesn't seem like it will be that big of a challenge.
Knock on wood...as of the writing of this post I have not really experienced any adverse side effects. I little bit of reflux so far and some general malaise but tolerable non the less.
Until next time.

Monday, April 13, 2009


I will be participating in a study for a new drug AMG-655. Doing so will ensure a little extra attention at the the chemo clinic. From what we've found this drug shows some promise.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Family and friends

One thing good that has come from this is that my family has really rallied behind us. I really welcome all the phone calls with well wishes and offers of help. It's really funny because for the most part I feel fine. Very few of our friends know yet. It's hard for people I'm sure. They don't seem to know what to say I don't think that I wouldn't know either so to everyone reading don't worry about it. Just keep your words kind and encouraging. I love you all.

Oncologist visit

We visited the oncologist next and was given a treatment plan. Since my cancer has progressed to my liver the original spot in my rectum was secondary now. We will start with the chemo regimen and then look at operating. I'm hopeful that they will be able to re sect some of the liver. I may be eligible for a trial drug as well. What the heck I have nothing to lose so sign me up. I had a pet scan set up and went thru that yesterday. I had to drink the barium and be injected with a radioactive tracer. This will help the docs see my disease in a new light. I am scheduled to go in on Monday for a biopsy and get my port installed. The port is the chemo delivery system. Wow! Not what I expected...

Thursday, April 2, 2009

The follow up

We went for the follow up visit with the GI doc. He had the results of the biopsy, the CT scan and colonoscopy. Well as it turns out the cancer was alot further along that I had hoped. He tells us that it has moved to my liver. and that he is going to get me in to see an oncologist. Again my reaction is holy shit and WTF. Not what I expected.

I was diagnosed today

I had been experiencing some issues with my ummm movements which prompted me to visit my GP doc. This was back in January. He did an exam and determined that it was likely a fisure. A fisure is a split in the sphincter that bleeds and hurts a hella lot. So he refers me to a gastro intestinal guy who I had to wait about a month to see. He does the obligatory digital exam (ouch that hurt) and gives me an ointment to apply and a follow up appointment 30 days later. I still was bleeding so he tells me that he wants to inject of all things botox into my bum and he will do a partial scope to check things out. So in the mean time I had quit my job and agreed to a new position at a different company. I had a week in between the jobs so I schec=dule the surgery and go in. They put me to sleep and then the news. The doc tells me that when he scoped me he saw something but it was inconclusive because I was as he said FOS. I would need a colonosocopy and a ct scan. I get the ct scan done and the guy who did it seemed a little gloomy and showed me the order which said that there was a probable mass in my rectum. By the look on the techs face I guessed that there was something there. A couple days later I had the colonoscopy and the doc told me that I had a cancerous tumor in my rectum. Holy Shit!